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Joke of the Day

"Me: *takes her shirt off & sees a padded bra* whoa Her: I'm so sorry, are you upset? M: *pulls a salami out of my shorts* let's call it even"

"A secretary and her boss Secretary: do you wanna go out for dinner tonight? Boss: I don't know. Check if im free while I go get some coffee."

"I used to date an anaesthetist... She was a local girl. [credit to seeing this on QI]"

"Have you ever wondered why Aspirin is white? It's because it works!"

"Pink Panther's to do list: to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to do, to dooooo!"

"You shouldn't legally be allowed to buy Cool Ranch Doritos unless you pay for it with change while stoned at a gas station"

"Yo mamma's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones."

"What do you call an adopted ghost? Transparent"

"I have a confession too Oprah. For years I have been stealing statuses from all over the Internet and passing them off as my own original thoughts."

"What do you call a homeless man? A Hobo Sapien."