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Joke of the Day

"I just yelled ""Where's the baby?!"" while holding the baby. I can't believe it was legal for me to reproduce."

"Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Ted Cruz are on a plane. The plane crashes. Who survives? America."

"Do you know what 6.9 is? A good thing screwed up by a period."

"No internet access in Cairo- Now the country is just called Gypt."

"In Summertime, wow do you tell the difference between an American-born Arab and a Middle Eastern-born Arab? Heatstroke."

"I'm really looking to re-capture my lost youth... ...my basement door doesn't lock properly"

"If you don't tell your girlfriend she's beautiful everyday, 614 guys on Facebook who haven't had sex or even been on a date in 9 years will."

"I'm not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry."

"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says... ""Why the long face?"" The horse says, ""My wife was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer."" The bartender says, ""Holy shit! A talking horse!"""

"JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity? ME: let me double-check with my counsel *moves 2 ft over, puts on tie, nods* ME: thats correct ur honor"