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Joke of the Day

"If you don't tell your girlfriend she's beautiful everyday, 614 guys on Facebook who haven't had sex or even been on a date in 9 years will."

"Just tried to read an article that wasn't a list. Bunch of words, no GIFs, and it required me to think?? 0/10 would not recommend."

"Boyfriend and girlfriend were watching porn. Girlfriend: Did you see that! It's so disgusting! Boyfriend: What? Girlfriend: Sofa and curtains DON'T MATCH!!!"

"Theres a dating website for people that believe the government is ran by lizard people so I really have no excuse for being single"

"Spent most of my early twenties trying to open a pistachio."

"First 20 minutes driving through farm country: ""Isn't this pretty?"" Next 3 hours: *can't remember a life before corn*"

"What did Watson tell his friend when he was constipated? No shit Sherlock..."

"Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second-hand shop. I'll show myself out."

"My Chinese friend died today... So Yung"

"My aunt sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. After much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her"