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Joke of the Day

"I'm actually not funny. I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking."

"If there isn't an open bar at my funeral then count me out, I'm not going!"

"Chant at a pro-sexual consent rally. ""What do we want?"" *-- Consensual intercourse!* ""When do we want it?"" *-- Not right now!*"

"Interviewer: Are you good at programming? Me: Yes, I'm very good at writing nondeterministic C++ programs. Interviewer gives me the job. #nerdjokes"

"What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog's fingers."

"What did you do wrong if your wife comes out of the kitchen and yells at you? You made her chain to long."

"Young man, you promised you will bring my daughter back by 11 pm. First, it's 3 am and second, this is not my daughter."

"Hey mind if I try some of your chloroform? Sure knock yourself out."

"Did you hear about the guy who fucked a sheep? Turns out he's bahhh-sexual"

"Commercials that never made it to air Here's my entry: ""Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault and has ruined your life? Next time, use Durex""."