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Joke of the Day

"Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads? Because every morning they wake up thinking ""What *is* that noise? Oh, right, *of course* !"""

"*opens up briefcase in court, revealing snakes* ""Wait. Then that means-"" [cut to my nemesis waking up surrounded by my opening statement]"

"Q: What's the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone? A: A Rolling Stone says ""hey you get off of my cloud!"" while a Scotsman says ""Hey McLeod get off of my ewe!"""

"What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety? Past tense."

"A priest and a rabbi walk into the bar. The bar tender says, ""What is this, some kind of joke?"""

"Fear and ignorance would gay-marry each other if they weren't both opposed to it."

"I am thinking about pursuing a job as a crowd estimator I wonder how many people are in that field"

"Emoji: because sometimes a chicken, the Spanish flag, and a lesbian couple is the only way to express how you really feel."

"12yo: Can we go to a haunted house this year? Me: What's wrong with the one we live in? 12yo: WHAT?! Me: Goodnight, son."

"Today I heard a critical speech about masturbation It was very touching, to say the least"