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Joke of the Day

"Why isn't my hand 12 inches? Because then it would be a foot"

"I was sitting on the train this morning, and I saw a really sexy Thai girl I thought to myself, ""Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection"", but she did."

"So it looks like there was a paedophile ring operating at the heart of Thatcher's government. I don't know why everyones so shocked, they were well known for fucking miners."

"What do you call a pig with good table manners? Sick."

"Why was the broom late? Because it overswept."

"Milk cartons in Asia have missing planes on them instead of children."

"You know what my new year's resolution is? 1680x1050"

"Whenever I conduct a job interview I ask the applicant to name their favorite Muppet, and no matter the answer I scowl and shake my head."

"I brought a gun that shoots knives to a gun fight. Everybody was like whoa. We didn't even fight. Went to get nachos. Cool group of dudes."

"My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home"