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Joke of the Day

"I brought a gun that shoots knives to a gun fight. Everybody was like whoa. We didn't even fight. Went to get nachos. Cool group of dudes."

"What do you get the girl who has everything? Penicillin."

"What was Dr Frankenstein's second job? He was a body-builder"

"Two muffins... Two muffins in a pan are baking in the oven. One looks over at the other and says ""Wow it's getting really hot in here!"" The other replies ""Holy shit is that a talking muffin?"""

"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."

"Why was the chicken kicked out of class? For using *fowl* language."

"Why did the spelling bee champ have to go to rehab? He was hooked on phonics."

"I froze some paint today. Now it's just one solid color."

"""""When people cut you down. Or talk behind your back. Remember they took time out of their pathetic lives, To think about you."""""

"The cat puked all over the bath mat so I just tossed it into the trash can. Then I put the bath mat in the washer."