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Joke of the Day

"You know what my new year's resolution is? 1680x1050"

"[In a seahorse home] Son: Dad? Dad: Yes? Son: Happy M- Dad: DON'T Son: Moth- Dad: STOP Son: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY *Dad bangs head on desk*"

"Healthy cereal feels a lot like dressy sweatpants."

"""Wanna hear a joke about being shot by the police?"" ""No thanks, I get depressed by black humour."" Maybe I should cross-post this to /r/ImGoingToHellForThis"

"What scratches the window before it explodes? A baby in a microwave"

"lol i'm kind of a total geek weirdo, im really into starwars, the most successful international action film franchise of all time"

"I'm high as a kite tied to Columbia... ...will explode any time."

"Why should I date you? Girl - Give me 1 good reason, why I should date you? Guy - I'll give you 69."

"My jeans say ""no more Christmas goodies"" but my leggings are like ""we got you, gurrrl"""

"I'm a completely broke farmer. The other day I tried buying fertilizer on my only credit card and it was declined. I literally can't buy shit."