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Joke of the Day

"I wish I could press a finger to this loud, profane, obnoxious boy's forehead and instantly transmit to him the sadness of being an adult."

"I accidently swallowed some scrabble tiles My next dump could spell disaster"

"Toy Story (1995) - A influential local leader harasses an immigrant who is struggling to adapt to local customs."

"WIFE: You forgot my birthday again didn't you? ME: [putting wrapping paper round the cat] Goddammit, I told you not to turn round yet Janet"

"What did the /r/science mod say to the user? [removed]"

"Why couldn't the ex-CIA agent leave Russia? Because he was Snowden"

"I'm going to a trial in Great Sept of Baelor today, AMA. Edit: Wow, this blew up!"

"When I was getting my prostate exam, I asked the Doctor where I should put my pants.. ""Over there, beside mine"" wasn't the answer I was expecting."

"What do you call it when a bunch of deer have an intervention for one of their friends? Change for a buck."

"Now I really am just like Christine O'Donnell (not a Senator)"