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Joke of the Day

"Keeping tic-tacs in your pocket lets people know you're more embarrassed of your breath than you are of sounding like a human maraca"

"What does Batman take with his drinks? Just ice"

"I'm thinking of opening a Christian sex shop. I'm going to call it, Condemnation."

"I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket ""Hey son, how far do you think I can kick this thing?"""

"I just felt a weird twitching somewhere inside me. I think it might be my liver waving a white flag."

"What's the difference between a goat and a kid? I stopped butchering goats."

"WANTED: Call center workers with very weak english, poor communication skills and short temper needed for major bank. Bonus paid for low IQ."

"Why did SJWs call out Medusa? She kept objectifying people."

"Best Boss to Employee Convo Boss: Have you typed the paper I needed yet? Employee: I'm sorry, I don't know how to type paper. Boss: I'll help you, but the paper might be pink."

"Found my missing cardigan when my sister posted a FB pic of her wearing it."