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Joke of the Day

"Two cows are standing in a field One cow says ""moooooo"" the other cow says ""fuck! I was just about to say that"""

"""Errors in pronunciation eventually become part of the language if used widely enough over a long period of time"" linguists, supposably"

"Can someone call me right now? I'm at the dog park and my ringtone is a doorbell."

"What is the dumbest animal? An ignoraMOOSE"

"A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them."

"Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ? Santa Jaws !"

"What has 5 teeth and 60 eyes? A bus full of old people"

"I can relate to people who say they need to rest so they can recover after a tough workout. I feel exactly the same after a heavy meal."

"Might be time to get in shape. Halfway up these stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning."

"I'll defend puppies & kittens with my life.. But if your kid's acting like a spoiled brat...I will ABSOLUTELY knock him over when you're not looking."