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Joke of the Day

"A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them."

"Girl are you a plumber? Cause i wanna make you moen"

"A girl told me her exact age."

"How do you know your man is cheating? When he drives by her place the wifi connects"

"What command does the aardvark give most often when he sails? Snout about!"

"I just flushed a stink bug down the toilet along with the dump. Who's the stink bug now, Bitch?"

"What has 100 legs and 3 teeth? A centipede on meth."

"I figured out that if I have my kids hold on to my cell phone, I will never forget them anywhere again."

"I met a Slavic feminist once. She told me to Czech my privilege."

"Two really hot women are walking down the street... when a man who suffers from premature ejaculation comes out of nowhere..."