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Joke of the Day

"Hey, I heard someone is writing a book about your life. Guess who the author is? J.K. ROFLING, because your life is a joke."

"You: ""Whale you be my Valentuna?"" Me: ""Dolphinately."""

"The best thing about being Bane has gotta be that he can just slice a hardboiled egg straight into his pie hole"

"Seal walks into a club Sales have been down recently so he doesn't play larger venues anymore."

"As a guy, it's not that I have anything against psychiatric wards... I'm just afraid of commitment."

"What did the young witch say to her mother ? Can I have the keys to the broom tonight !"

"Have you ever seen moth balls? You have? Then how the hell did you get their legs apart?"

"55378008 Calculator"

"At my mom's house. Just asked if we could record Dateline and she said she doesn't have a blank VHS tape and now my left arm is numb."

"if it smells like bullshit & looks like bullshit, it probably is bullshit. Putting sugar on it doesn't make it a brownie."