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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever seen moth balls? You have? Then how the hell did you get their legs apart?"

"23% of traffic accidents involve cell phone use, but 77% do NOT involve cell phone use. Statistics don't lie. It's safer to use your phone."

"I really don't understand why people think mayweather is so great I'd much rather have June weather"

"My boss noticed I shaved before coming in to the office today then he told me if i wanted to keep my job I would have to start keeping my pants on"

"I wish there was an app that would let you take a picture of a woman and then it would tell you if she was into guys with race car beds."

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? [Can be disturbing] The New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 10 seconds."

"The woman next to me smells SO good, is it weird if I'm like ""What perfume is that, I will literally stop robbing this bank if you tell me""?"

"I ran without my headphones today & was reminded that I feel better about my fitness when my soundtrack isn't my panicked gasping breathing."

"""I'm on the Reich track baby, I was born this race."" -Nazi Gaga"

"What do you get when you inject human DNA to a goat? A permanent ban from the petting zoo"