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Joke of the Day

"You can only regret what you remember. -Tequila"

"Remember when we thought ""Any kid can grow up to be President"" was a good thing?"

"My 8 year old daughter said she needed a new head coach at school I figured why not have my wife be the new head coach? She's great at it!"

"An asian man goes to the eye doctor... The doctor says to him ""I know why you're not seeing so well, you have a cataract"" The asian man says ""No, I have a Rincoln Contirental"""

"CLEARLY CHEATING A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, ""I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."""

"ELF NO. 1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve? ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone sack time!!"

"(x-post from /r/lotr) How many Nazgul does it take to kill a hobbit? Ten."

"Why do black people only have nightmares? We shot the only one with a dream."

"Call Me crazy, but the ideal number of times a Pope should have once been a member of the Nazi Youth is zero."

"In an unexpected motion, Texas Republicans have voted to move midnight to 1am."