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Joke of the Day

"My goal weight is to stop hearing 'you have a great personality'"

"I can move things with my mind. Like, my arms."

"Someone at work asked if I'd listened to any good books lately, and now I've got a body to dispose of. :("

"Why do scuba divers always fall backwards into the water? If they fell forward they'd still be in the boat."

"I like my jokes on r/jokes like my daily routine... Repeated daily"

"What's the difference between US Politics and WWE? one is a predetermined charade that takes a tremendous amount of willingness to suspend disbelief the other is pro wrestling."

"Logged out of Twitter for a few hours... Finally graduated college, lost some weight, showered, read 17 books, and started a family."

"Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet."

"I stayed up all night... Trying to remember if I had amnesia or insomnia"

"I would literally never feel confident enough to drop a piece of equipment as expensive as a mic."