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Joke of the Day

"I can move things with my mind. Like, my arms."

"What's the difference between a cactus and a BMW? With a cactus, the pricks are on the outside."

"Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes."

"The Calbuco volcano is very hot right now... But everything around it is Chile."

"Can you get high off of viagra? Yes, but only if you lay on your stomach."

"What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla? The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year."

"What's a dish best served cold? Air condish."

"Teacher: In 1940 what were the Poles doing in Russia ? Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines !"

"Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I'm assuming it's Monday."

"Who gets the most ass in college? The chair"