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Joke of the Day

"Never really had a nickname in my life.. Except maybe that one time a bunch of chumps called me ""The defendant"" for a full day."

"What is the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay 200 to have a lentil on my face."

"I went to the gym and did a negative pullup today. It was a letdown."

"If a tree falls on a woman... And nobody is around to hear it. Why was there a tree in the kitchen?"

"Why did the fisherman keep taking off? Because he was fly fishing."

"Yesterday I told someone that I don't like babies? ""Have you tried them with ketchup instead of mayonnaise?"", they asked."

"Just place a STUDENT DRIVER sticker on top of your car, and suddenly no one suspects you of drunk driving at 8am."

"You don't need a parachute to skydive... You only need a parachute to skydive twice."

"My girlfriend spends all her money on expensive perfumes.. I feel like she has no common scents."

"What did the Jewish pedophile say to the boy? Hey Kid, go easy on the candy! Probably been here before, I just thought it was hilarious for some reason."