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Joke of the Day

"Text: How come you stopped drinking? Me: Because I kept waking up with you. Her: I hate you."

"I suspected my marriage was in trouble when I'd meet my husband for dinner then we would both race home to make out with the babysitter."

"Just kick higher, dammit! This isn't Rockette science."

"[SETI receives extraterrestrial signal from 95 light years away] [scientist decodes message in the signal] ""enough...with...the...Harambe...jokes"""

"A priest, a blonde, and a rabbi walked into a bar... The bartender says, ""What is this, a joke?"""

"I had a Mayweather joke, but it ran away from me."

"I like my women like I like my slaves: Coffee. Wait..."

"What do a bunch of celebrity nudes have in common with a stiff breeze? They both can cause reddit's servers to crash."

"Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask for directions."

"Having a Hot Wife is like being a diabetic with a coupon for unlimited cheesecakes. It may look nice but you never get to use it. Source: Have a Hot Wife, Never get laid"