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Joke of the Day

"[beach] [a foot washes up] [next, a boot] [I combine them] [more parts arrive] [I keep building] [I stand back] ME: Oh no..you?! HITLER: Yep"

"Randomly play a recording of a candy bar wrapper being opened just to keep your kids on their toes."

"What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste. I'll show myself out."

"""I like the way you move!"" -Jealous inanimate object"

"I'm that guy who plays Pictionary and draws the shittiest representation of the clue and spends the entire time circling it at various speed"

"Mickey Mouse just got shot at Disney World for being black."

"That awkward moment when I give a guy a fake phone number and he tries to call it in front of me.. #OhShiiiit"

"What do we want?! AIRPLANE NOISES! When do we want them?! NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"To catch a woman, one must think like a woman. *places glass of wine, and Channing Tatum dvd on mouse trap"

"The Longest Joke In The World http://longestjokeintheworld.com/"