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Joke of the Day

"I find it inconsiderate that policemen always ask if I had been drinking but they never bother to ask if I had anything to eat at all"

"Shot my first turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen foods section."

"My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: the one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything."

"What do Gungans put things in? Jar Jars."

"Why can't elephants go skinny dipping? They can't get their trunks off..."

"Did you hear about the baby that was born in a high tech. hospital? It came out cordless!"

"You know you're old when you get a ""You up?"" text.... And it's 8:25 p.m."

"A good rule to live by Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."

"What does a Boko Haram terrorist become after getting his throat slit? Boko Halal."