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Joke of the Day
"Want to know how to lose 100 pounds? Go to the London casino..."
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"""Wow, this toilet is really uncomfortable..."" ~Me drunk in the hot tub as my guests throw themselves out"
"So I guess these Brazillian jokes aren't happening Neymar?"
"Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have."
"If you want big tips... ...circumcise an elephant."
"Dave's Adventure In A Cave (Limerick) There once was a man named Dave, who found a dead whore in a cave. She was ugly as shit and missing one tit, but think of the money he saved!"
"Female Masturbation My woman told me that she would never play with her self when she was on her period. . But I caught her red handed !!"
"GENIE: you have three wishes. ME: sweet, I wish for pie. GENIE: okay, whatever, you have 3.14 wishes."
"Sorry I called animal control about your children but I really think those tranquilizer darts did the trick."
"What's the difference between your finger and a hammer? I don't know! Well you're not using my computer keyboard then!"