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Joke of the Day

"Women just want security At least that's what they start yelling when I try to talk to them!"

"Best joke you came up with yourself? A lot of people think that Saudi Arabians are uninformed. What do you expect? They live under Iraq (a rock)."

"[At the stress test, staring at a treadmill] Dr.: Just run at a speed where you can still talk normally. *sits down on a chair* Me: Okay."

"What did Stalin say to all the thousands of people he killed? Crimea river"

"That awkward moment when you are introduced to someone and you have no idea if that person is their child or their spouse."

"The ""bishop"" came to our church today He was a fucking impostor. Never once moved diagonally."

"When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat ? He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row !"

"Why did Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken came in a different box. Badum tiss."

"What do you call four drowning Mexicans? Cuatro cinco"

"*During an interview* Interviewer: 'So how long were you employed in your last job?' Candidate: 'I'd say my biggest weakness is my listening skills.'"