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Joke of the Day

"Women just want security At least that's what they start yelling when I try to talk to them!"

"If you call & I don't answer, I'm not dead, I'm napping. - Things I have to say to my mom"

"[twirling my bra above my head like a helicopter and it gets stuck on the ceiling fan, im launched thru window into neighbors yard] me: hey"

"A naked woman robbed a bank... No one could remember her face."

"Have you heard about the one about suicidal procrastinator He lived a long healthy life."

"Inoffensive Muslim joke What do the weather in England and a Muslim have in common? It's either Sunni or shiite"

"A local grocery bagger has been bagging cola on top of bread. Many were concerned that their bread would be flattened. His response to their concerns was ""It's fine. They're soft drinks"""

"Cops: Jay X? Me: Yes. Cops: Your dog has been reported to have chased someone on a bike. Me: Thats bullshit my dog doesnt have a bike."

"I went on a scavenger hunt the other day. I shot a vulture."

"What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver? The home golfer goes WHACK! ""Oh no!"" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa"