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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the cannibal who cloned himself to see what he would taste like? It made him shit himself."

"Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. The bartender asks; ""Why the long face?"""

"What do you call two crows? Attempted murder."

"I wake up every morning feeling like a Japanese democracy. Huge erection."

"I farted on the bus today and 4 people turned around. I felt like I was on The Voice!"

"What do you call an animal that goes through your trash and tells great stories? A raccoonteur."

"I'm absolutely sick and tired of my wife not cleaning out the coffee machine after she's finished with it. Grounds for divorce."

"Just wrote ""58008"" on my calculator app and when I turned it upside-down, it auto-orientated back to the right way up. I hate the future."

"I wonder what hospitals do with all the foreskins."

"Our 2-year-old is entertaining everyone at the restaurant by screeching like a seagull every fifteen seconds."