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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an animal that goes through your trash and tells great stories? A raccoonteur."

"Difference between Port Authority and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station... The other's a busty crustacean!"

"Cop: You know why I pulled you over? M: Speeding? C: No! M: Not using my blinker? C: No! M: Because I'm drunk? Cop: Sir get off the mower!"

"One thing I don't like about Twitter is that you can read something & think it's funny & only afterward realize it was written by a woman."

"Yo mama's so fat That when she walked past the the tv I missed three episodes."

"What are 8 Hobbits? One hobbyte."

"Why did the string theorist return his vacuum cleaner It was only the standard model"

"Soup: for when you want to be hungry again in 20 minutes"

"What's an Xbox fanboys' least favourite film? P.S. I Love You"

"How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. His left ear, his right ear, and the final front ear."