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Joke of the Day

"What is my girlfriend's favorite meal? A dish called: ""I don't know, you choose."""

"You see me wildly flailing my arms. Did I: a) Walk through a spider web? b) Try to wrap something in Saran wrap? c) Try to use Scotch tape?"

"""IT'S A BOY"" I shouted... With tears rolling down my face, I shouted out loud. ""I DON'T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!"" It was at that moment I decided never to visit Thailand again."

"People are so wary of technology still. I grew up living directly under high power lines & only have 1 sentient mole that orders me to kill."

"I asked to switch seats because there was a god damn SCREAMING infant next to me, and I couldn't sleep. They told me no. Apparently you're not allowed to move away from your own child."

"What does a Native American Biologist live in? ATP"

"You young couples with your dogs, your trial children, you'll learn nothing about parenting because you can never teach a toddler to ""sit""."

"A football joke Jose Mourinho"

"Why is it so cold at Christmas? It's in Decembrrrrr."

"What's the highest thing in existence? A female's issues. They won't ever be able to get over them."