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Joke of the Day

"I have nothing positive to report. Except that roadside drug test."

"Want to avoid making excuses when people ask you to hang out? Always say no when someone asks ""wanna hear something amazing?"""

"You know what the last thing I said last year was? One!"

"hey girls if you sleep with a guy then tell them you're pregnant they'll give you a bunch of money for an abortion I have like 50 cars"

"[makes a voodoo doll of himself] [gives it a little back rub]"

"*eats whole carrot cake* *waits for eyesight to improve*"

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception"

"What did the bun say to the hot dog? I relish the fact that you've mustard the will to ketchup to me!"

"Why didn't the shy juggler perform at the circus today? Because he didn't have the balls!"

"What do you call a bearded gardener? Hairy Potter"