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Joke of the Day

"Cutbacks on HealthCare are really starting to show. I went for my prostate exam today, and instead of lube the doc spat on my asshole"

"*gets to hell* [In earshot of Satan] I HATE ICE CREAM AND WATCHING TV, DAMN THAT WOULD BE REAL TORTURE FOR ME. OH AND BEER, I ALSO HATE BEER"

"Obama: any good ideas in how to defeat isis? *Biden raises hand* Obama: besides assembling the Avengers? *Biden lowers hand*"

"Never sure of the differences between a crocodile, an alligator, and a staple remover."

"Walk up in the club like ""hey do you have to buy anything to use the bathroom?"""

"Brain: he must study-how? *Hormones raise hand* H: we could hit him with pimples, kill the social life? B: *whispers* It's for his own good."

"On the one hand, when I masturbate, I feel like I'm cheating on my wife... ...but on the other hand, I don't."

"When I was young I wanted to be smart, like my dad ... he also wants to be smart!"

"My friend told me he wanted to plant an orchard. I told him to grow a pear."

"Yo mama's so ugly... Scorpion yelled ""STAY OVER THERE!"""