112185

Joke of the Day

"*gets to hell* [In earshot of Satan] I HATE ICE CREAM AND WATCHING TV, DAMN THAT WOULD BE REAL TORTURE FOR ME. OH AND BEER, I ALSO HATE BEER"

"I like my women like I like my pizza... baked and saucy."

"How did the girl end up with ninja jizz on her face? she didn't see him coming"

"What do you do if your daughter starts smoking? Slow down and use lube."

"I once visited The Virgin Islands. When I left, they were just called The Islands."

"You know times are hard when you call 911 for an ambulance and they tell you to have gas money ready."

"I rented this bobcat to help me dig up my new pool but he won't even hold the shovel. He's just eating all the neighborhood squirrels."

"I'll be remembering Pearl Harbor by getting bombed this evening."

"Why do people draw sunglasses on the sun? It's like, dude, he's the sun. They make sunglasses because of him."

"What did Leonardo DiCaprio say when he planted a seed? Inception"