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Joke of the Day

"I'm hoping someone puts razor blades in my daughter's Halloween candy this year because those things are ridiculously expensive."

"America is converting to the metric system Inch by inch"

"I went to the zoo today, but it only had one animal! It was a Shitzu ... I'll see myself out edit: apparantly this is another common repost which I have never seen. Oh well, I like it."

"What makes light beer and having sex on a canoe essentially the same thing? They are both fucking close to water."

"What do you call a sad suicidal bird? A Robin Williams."

"Fun Fact: When you die, someone will feel inconvenienced that your funeral is on a particular day. lol"

"I had to ground my son for cursing. He turned the girl next door into a frog."

"How many NorCal kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hella."

"nothing at all 1. test 1 2. test 2"

"I was on the street This guy waved to me, he came up to me and said "" I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else"" And I said ""I am"""