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Joke of the Day

"What do Bernie Sanders and the Statue of Liberty have in common? Common people sent both of them pennies to help build a foundation for liberty."

"Why did the thalidomide man get stopped going through customs? He was caught in the possession of small arms"

"Hey, did you say that your dog likes to 'exercise' or 'exorcise'? [dog is already throwing holy water around the house]"

"What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung factory? Guardians of the Galaxy"

"What did the 2 say to the 3? Do you even, bro?"

"You know what's way better than an iPod? A zune"

"What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception? Parents."

"Did you hear about the teacher who was always cross eyed? She struggled to control her pupils."

"Filed a restraining order against Starbucks. Creepy. Every time I turn around, there they are."

"Running and Cars He who runs in front of car gets tired. He who runs behind car gets exhausted."