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Joke of the Day

"Something my friend said during our darkest hour of finals cramming I'm wearing my Seahawks jersey to the exam tomorrow. That way I'll pass even though we all know I shouldn't."

"Have you heard the joke about my penis? Nevermind, no one ever gets it."

"Why does it seem like 90% of Redditors are hardcore liberal atheists? Because the conservatives are at work."

"Updates status.. no one comments. Updates status again."

"A man walks into a grocery store in the countryside and asks...[brazilian joke] How much is a dozen bananas? &nbsp; And the cashier replies: &nbsp; -Twelve bananas"

"Why did the cow get a job at Google? Because she was out standing in her field."

"I'm dating a feminist historian Not to brag, but I am -*really*- good in bed. She thinks I've been fucking her for thousands of years."

"Me: *gazes into his eyes* Him: *sweats* M *winks* H: I'm kinda uncomfortable M: But this is love H: It's my job to fill liquor orders, ma'am"

"What do you get when you mix a rooster with peanut butter? A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth."

"You know the difference between Catholics and Baptists? Catholics will say hello to each other in the liquor store."