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Joke of the Day

"Why did the creepy hipster get arrested? because he was following people before instagram"

"It's confusing when a girl is both beautiful and doesn't listen to terrible music."

"My wife left me over my pasta fetish I'm feeling cannelloni right now"

"Why is fruit so expensive? I want some raspberries, not the tears of Jesus."

"When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger & write ""WASH ME"" on her face."

"I just spent two weeks in Vegas looking for my wife's killer... but no one would do it."

"Why does Naruto vomit after every meal? He's **BULIMIC!**"

"A magnet walked into a bar. It stuck."

"The next stick figure family I see with more than 3 stick figure kids is getting a complementary condom taped on their rear window."

"I didn't sleep so well last night... So this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. I made it halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car."