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Joke of the Day

"Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday...Satan slips that one in. He's a sneaky bastard."

"Went to get coffee for a coworker. I effed up the order, but used it as a teaching opportunity to illustrate the dangers of outsourcing."

"""When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I did those things online"""

"What do you call a little polish boat? A Jetski."

"So a horse walks into a bar... And the bartender says, ""why the long face?"" To which the horse replies, ""I'm a raging alcoholic and it's destroying my family."""

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and Jeb Bush? None. They both should have pull out sooner."

"What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three Ho's."

"ME to BF: ""We need to talk about the future."" BF: ""what about it,you wanna talk about flying cars and robots and stuff?"""

"On a walk, my son saw a pay phone asked what it was. I made him look it up on his Blackberry."

"I keep getting the urge to purchase a big white bear from the artic... ...Doc says I might have ""Buy Polar"" disorder! EDIT: arctic*"