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Joke of the Day

"Why go to college? There's Google."

"Someone asked me if I'd found my soulmate and I was like lol I cant even find my debit card."

"dyslexic x 2 1) Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He laid awake at night wondering if there really was a Dog. 2) So, the dyslexic guy goes into a bra."

"Biology joke A brother and sister are in the womb together, the sister kicks his foot and he says ""hey that's mitosis"". That is my original joke I made A few years ago."

"[special ops briefing] Leader: We're going in deep & hard in the middle of the night Me: I bet you say that to all the boys L: Get out"

"What did ron say when he got Hermione pregnant? Fetus deletus"

"God: Basically u just chill. Cow: Nice. God: I mean, at first. Cow: ...then? God: Then people murder u to eat ur insides & wear u as a coat."

"Its the last day of the year.... Just felt I should thank everyone who made me smile this year. You are one of them so here's a big THANK YOU."

"Yet again my date made me get out of his car before we'd even had dinner. Uber is the worst dating app ever."

"Every few weeks I login to Facebook, update my birthday to the current day, and those idiots wish me happy birthday every time."