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Joke of the Day

"Yet again my date made me get out of his car before we'd even had dinner. Uber is the worst dating app ever."

"What is a jew's favourite bread? Shabbat-a"

"How do you make a horomone? You refuse to pay her Courtesy of my grandmother"

"Me: I got my YOLO tattoo covered up GF: Good. I told you it was just a stupid fad Me: I know GF: What'd you get? Me: *reveals Minion tattoo*"

"Checking my phone one more time before I go to sleep because apparently 533 times wasn't enough today."

"I'd estimate about 28% of the drugs you've taken were smuggled here in someone's asshole."

"Most women would be happy to be woken up on their birthday with breakfast in bed, flowers and 20 minutes of great oral sex! But Oh no! Not my sister!"

"What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? If you slap the mosquito it stops sucking"

"what did the indian chief say when his dog jumped off the cliff? dog gone"

"Apple products Remove the USB port and nobody bats an eye. Remove the headphone jack and everybody loses their minds!"