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Joke of the Day

"when you're a kid you're like ""how do actors cry so easily?"" and when you grow up you're like ""how is anyone ever not crying?"""

"A hot girl texted me ""Come over, no one's home"" So i went over... And no one's home"

"[Ad shows dude getting out of bed before noon on the weekend] *professional stuntman do not attempt*"

"We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not."

"Mondays aren't so bad if you force yourself to have a terrible weekend."

"What happened when the pig ran into his ex? there was a porkward silence"

"What's harder than nailing 10 dead babies to a tree? Nailing one dead baby to 10 trees."

"Mexican and black jokes are all the same.. Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal."

"A vegan, a feminist, and a Stranger Things fan walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes..."

"[emptying spam] ME: Why do I have so much canned meat?"