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Joke of the Day

"Know when to holdem *Pick up panties Know when to foldem *Fold em Know when to walk away *Leave laundromat Know when to run *Girl chasing me"

"A cowboy walks up to an Indian(Native American) and ties the Indian's dick in a knot. The Indian says, ""how come?"""

"What do Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music and Keith Richards have in common? They both made habits fashionable."

"One day my kids will find a ""We're Closed"" sign for a grocery store & ask what it is & I'll sound like the old guy explaining shit in Zelda."

"Whenever you see a sword swallower perform, it makes you wonder what sort of activities they used to do to make them realize they had this talent."

"Where do nazis go on vacation? The holocoast."

"Thank you, slow walking family in front of me on the footpath, No please, take your time.... and definitely spread out, so you create a barricade of idiots."

"What did one condom say to the other at a gay bar? Let's get shitfaced!"

"What do Princess Diana, Kurt Cobain, and Pink Floyd all have in common? Their last big hit was the wall."

"If I had a dollar for every time I stepped on the cat when I arrived home... I could afford to wipe my shoes on a proper door mat"