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Joke of the Day

"It's six. Six raccoons. Six raccoons is the amount of raccoons that will make me turn around and walk down a different street. Six."

"Did you hear about the overweight man who took up horse riding as exercise? The horse lost 15 pounds in a week!"

"There are starving kids in Africa. IHOP has a ""Kids Eat Free"" promotion. Just build an IHOP in Africa. Problem solved."

"I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80's bands... There is no cure..."

"Therapist: please tell me a little about what brought you both here today. Wife: We don't talk. Plus he is so literal. Me: My truck."

"The girl at Starbucks wrote my name as ""Meghen"" like I lay eggs or some shit."

"[job interview] ""Why should I hire you?"" ""Because I have pictures of you with a goat?"""

"What's the difference between an introverted mathematician and an extroverted mathematician? The extrovert looks at the other person's shoes."

"Yeah yeah ""Friends with Benefits"" are cool but have you tried ""Friends with Batteries""? Less drama!"

"Do you think maybe humans are gonna evolve with longer arms for selfie purposes?"