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Joke of the Day

"Never eat ice cream while chatting online. Sister: why are you typing so slowly Me: well my other hands busy. She hasnt replied yet."

"My keys always end up in the pocket opposite of my free hand."

"A couple's having breakfast. He says, ""Were you faking it last night?"" She says, ""No, I was really asleep."""

"This subreddit has terrible puns on pretty much every subject. In particular, it has puns about the Scottish."

"I just saw a Nazi drive past me at 88 mph Probably going Back to the Fuhrer"

"My wife asked me why I suddenly froze in one position during sex. I said: ""It's a new move I learned from PornHub. It's called 'buffering'."""

"Do you know what a girl says when she sees a big...NSFW Do you know what a girl says when she sees a big dick? *when the person says: 'no what'* I do"

"My shiny watch has had a peaceful life... ...it's always had the time to reflect upon itself."

"Why don't feminists carry handguns? Because of the triggers. I'm sorry"

"Some people won't try bacon for religious reasons. I won't try religion for bacon reasons."