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Joke of the Day

"The quietest sound ever recorded is the sound of a Canadian saying ""excuse me"" in a crowd"

"Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow? Pupil: Yes the cow ate all the grass!"

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags."

"How's the oil industry doing these days? It's in the tank."

"Why did Toby rape a girl? He couldn't Turner on"

"What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?"

"What do you call a muslim sitting on a plane? A passenger"

"I've been working with NASCAR on redesigning the track for more variety, but it's tough I just can't seem to get it right"

"KING SOLOMON: I shall cut it in two, half for each of you. WOMAN: sure ME: OH GOD NO! KING SOLOMON: ok this is clearly your meatball sub."

"Admit it, no one really knows how to use the memory function on a calculator. We're all just too embarrassed to ask now."