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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a 6 month old and a 20 year old? About 6 garbage bags and 30 gallons of formaldehyde."

"""No, you hang up"" No, you hang up. ""No, you hang up"" No, you hang up. ""No you hang up"" *slams phone* Why do I keep calling that parrot?!"

"I got a starfish for a pet It was a no-brainer."

"If I could make puppies and kittens magically appear, people would call me ""The Wizard of Awwws""."

"I said to my girlfriend, ""Please get me a newspaper."" ""Don't be silly,""she replied, ""you can borrow my iPad."" That spider never knew what fucking hit it."

"A person dies every 3 seconds. How can a person die that many times?"

"What's white, big and could kill you if it fell out of a tree? A fridge."

"Nepal Joke So Nepal got hit by two 7 magnitutde quakes so is it now 7/11?"

"I was struggling to figure out how lightning works Then it struck me"

"Just accidentally messaged my husband ""love you sexy beats"" instead of ""sexy beast"" and now he thinks he's some sort of DJ."