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Joke of the Day

"Just accidentally messaged my husband ""love you sexy beats"" instead of ""sexy beast"" and now he thinks he's some sort of DJ."

"Give a man a cheeseburger, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to cheeseburger, I'm high as fuck."

"Your stick figure family window sticker promotes an unrealistic and unhealthy body image for your children."

"Did you hear the joke about the alarm? No? It doesn't ring a bell?"

"Butcher A man in a butcher shop: ""I would like bull testicles please"" Butcher: ""Me too"""

"There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence... As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well, that's a little condescending."

"What does earth say to the other planets? You have no life"

"My mom went to go buy a Christmas tree from the store The man behind the counter said ""are you going to put it up yourself?"" Mom says ""no thats terrible, im going to put it in the family room"""

"My thesis on Orbital Flatulence took seven years of hard work... Well, that's what I tell everyone. I was really just farting around."

"Rhonda Rousey is starring in a remake of Roadhouse. Now I won't feel weird jerking off to that movie."