134421

Joke of the Day

"Someone stole my watch and stepped on it. I beat them up. I swore to myself that day that that would never happen again. Not on my watch."

"Fell asleep next to a beautiful woman I met last night. I tell you what, she was PISSED to wake up next to a stranger... And that goes double for her husband."

"My wife left me According to her, she is sick of me talking behind her back and pushing her around. In my defence, she's in a wheelchair."

"Brace yourselves!! The flowers, candy and jewelry mobile uploads are upon us....."

"I invented a new word! Plagiarism."

"How many Pao's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fuck you."

"""Wow, you're tall.. Do you play basketball?"" ""Wow, you're short. Do you play mini golf?"""

"I'm sitting here watching this married couple argue in this restaurant. Then their 8 year old says ""oh great, dinner and a show."" Priceless."

"My friend asked me why I carry my gun inside my house I told him 'Decepticons.' He laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed. So I shot the toaster. It was a good day."

"What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie."