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Joke of the Day

"What did it say on the former chairman of the Hypochondriac Association's tombstone? Told you!"

"there's literally no way to know for sure how many chameleons are chillin in your house right now"

"What kinds of clothes do protons wear? Plus sizes!"

"Why do we hit things when they don't work? Because it worked with slavery"

"How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? Burger King didn't wrap his Whopper."

"If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?"

"Question *Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards? *A: He was sitting on the deck."

"I'd like a new frog please. But you bought one only yesterday. What happened? It Kermit-ted suicide."

"Dear Life, I have a complete grasp on the fact that you are not fair... so please quit teaching me that lesson."

"Sketch Artist: describe the man who attacked you Me: he had dark hair- Sketch Artist: one sec the Peanuts Character Creator is still loading"