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Joke of the Day

"Idea for a podcast: Friends hang out together and have deep and meaningful discussions and nobody records it and it's not a podcast."

"I have to pee every hour, on the hour. ...it's like cockwork"

"I love when I make people laugh so hard they spit out their water... Or food... Or baby..."

"A midget was escaping prison... A midget was escaping prison. I watched him as he climbed over the fence. On the way down he smirked at me. I thought to myself, ""well that's a little condescending""."

"I was going to have sex with you, but you asked what Mario Kart was and wore pants inside the pillow fort....I'm just kidding. I don't care."

"Why did the dog become a lawyer but the cat couldn't? The cat couldn't pass the ""bark exam"""

"I had a Muslim kid in my high school and he was notorious for being late So we called him 9/12"

"Avoid office small talk by maintaining that facial expression between first sneeze and second sneeze."

"I've never had anyone at hello."

"'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.' 'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'"