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Joke of the Day

"Two guys were walking down the street. . . One guy turns into a building, the other one goes, ""Oh my God! How the fuck did you do that?!"""

"What would aliens say if told that Earthlings shift clocks by an hour to fool themselves into thinking there's more sunlight"

"When someone uses an elipsis at the end of a text message I assume they fell off a cliff."

"Why is 68 the maximum speed for blondes? Because at 69 they blow a rod."

"What is Irish and sits on your deck? Patty O'Furniture !"

"ALBUS: It's a Time-Turner! We can travel back in time and change ANYTHING. SNAPE: That's amazing. We can save- ALBUS: Nah, gave it to a kid."

"what does a family dentist and a pedophile have in common? They both fill little kids' cavities. Original by me."

"My father said his Computer crashed... I asked him, what he did. ""I googled 'Malaysian Airlines'"", he replied."

"How do you milk an almond?"

"[TIFU] I picked up somebody else's sandwich at Subway Ooops, wrong sub!"