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Joke of the Day

"You ever seen a Polish trailer? And..here we are."

"[Checking in at Comic Con] Attendant: How long did you spend on your cosplay? Me: Seven months A: *Hands me a badge marked ""Casual""*"

"ANNOUNCEMENT: DENIM CLUB MEETING IS CANCELLED. AVERY RIPPED HIS JEAN VEST AT THE SUPERMARKET. HE'S OKAY, BUT VERY UPSET."

"What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a small child? Eric Clapton wouldn't let the bag of cocaine fall out of a window"

"My wife and I have lists for people we'd make exceptions for... I have one for midgets but it's a small list."

"Be There or Be Square Because if you will be there, you will be around."

"Maybe I'm like Spider-Man except I got bit by a radioactive sloth."

"I accidentally hired a wordsmith instead of a locksmith and now my latched threshold has been compromised by a metallic puzzle solver."

"I've always said that life is a lot like doing laundry There's a lot less bleeding if you separate the colors from the whites."

"""Why?"" - Socrates and four year-olds"