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Joke of the Day

"Why does the couple at the beginning of a scary movie always have to be happy & sexy why can't it be like, Pat & Deb, 56 & 54, IBS sufferers"

"It's hard to eat pizza and feel angry at the same time."

"If I had a dollar every time someone called my mother a whore... I'd be the richest client she ever had"

"Why aren't the people in old timey photos ever smiling? Because they were in constant danger of getting eaten by dinosaurs. READ A BOOK."

"This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that's also the last time I'll buy cheap toilet paper..."

"Sometimes I make myself feel important by thinking in a British accent."

"The principal confiscated my CD's and microSD full of songs from 1980's shoot-em-up video games, specifically the ones mentioning eagles. He said it was illegal contraband."

"Hard work pays off in the future but laziness pays off now"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? (Why?) To get to the idiots house."

"What does German goalkeeper Manuel Neuer call it when he takes a dump and there is nothing on the toilet paper after wiping? A clean sheet."