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Joke of the Day

"Hate is a strong word... I prefer the term ""want to stab them thirty-seven times in the chest."""

"If you met my friends, you would understand."

"FUCK YEAH I GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD *smooth criminal blasts an i bust out sick mj moves* ""congrats sir u are now manager of this kfc/taco bell"

"what idot labeled all the orange juice labels w/ ""no pulp"" insted of ""pulp fiction"""

"Q: How do you know a blonde likes you? A: She screws you two nights in a row."

"My brother used to think the suicide lane is for committing suicide. He only made the mistake once though"

"Surprised Scarlett Johansson didn't leg sweep Travolta, throw him over her should onto his back and put her foot on his throat."

"Little Girl: mom, I want to be an alligator when I grow up Mom: well, pick one. You can't be...acghhghh! Stop eating me! Aghhghhh...ah..a...bleh."

"Crazy sister put: ""I had a child very young so I had to mature quickly"" on her resume once. Put her email address as MONKEYTUSHIES87 too."

"Psi walks into a bar And says to the owner ""Such a nice unit you have here, totally on a different scale"""